texasgidget

because I didn’t get what I wanted.  Having said that, my DS got me exactly what I asked for…Sex & The City, the movie.  My mother got me all sorts of bedding, the 3rd book in the Twilight Series  and a new Bluetooth headset.  Chris got me a DVD/VCR for Christmas.  He really appreciated the picture collage that I made for him and the back massager, and the calendar.  Admittedly, most everyone that I know (including co-workers) about had me geared up for a proposal for Christmas.  I have to admit that I was sort of hoping, but I didn’t really expect it.  We had talked about it once before and he said he just wasn’t there yet, but since that time he has assured me that he does not question our relationship and where it’s going.  I appreciate the place where our relationship is and am looking forward to us moving forward.  I know that I’ve truly been blessed this year with wonderful buddies, this wonderful man, my DS and my wonderful man’s 2 children, and my family.  I think the best present that I got in all honesty though was my CRV back!  I’ve missed it!  Okay…off to bed with me…I have to get up and work tomorrow!

I just wanted to stop by and say Merry Christmas to all my buddies (new and old)!  I’m off to finish getting ready for my day.  I’ll tell you more details about my day in a bit!

I missed my Zumba class!  I did, however, get home and con/drag my son into doing a Zumba DVD.  He’s such a wuss!  He kept having to sit down!  I grant you, I was tired, it’s been awhile since I’ve done that DVD, but I wasn’t sitting down or anything.  I was so upset over missing my class, but at least I got a workout in!  I did talk to my original Zumba instructor and he is doing a class on Friday so I may try to swing by that class too!  I’ve missed Darryl! ;-)  He’s an awesome instructor.  I do wish we’d managed to work out a plan for him to train me.

I still have just a little shopping to do.  Just a couple of items…namely a couple of picture frames for the collage I want to do for Chris and a frame for the 8 x 10 I got for my son from his birthday party.

I’m anxious about tomorrow!  I just talked to Chris and he’s asked me to meet him for lunch!  I got to see him for a few minutes earlier and it just made my week.  He’s come up with an idea for how to handle Christmas so that we can actually do it on Christmas, but I’ve got to talk my mother and son into it too.  Considering neither of them have met Chris’ parents, I’m not sure they will agree, but we’ll see.   I’m going to offer it up anyway.

OH!  I GOT MY CAR BACK!  Finally, after two weeks, I finally got my car back.  The bad part about this is that my mother took it to her best friend’s house and she’s making candy so I HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN TO DRIVE IT YET!  How frustrating is that?!?  Really?  It’s SO NOT FAIR!  But what can you do?  Off to bed!  Good night buddies!

Still no car…FRUSTRATING, I know.

To catch everyone up, I was invited to go to the pageant…only to still NOT have a car.  Then Chris called at the last minute and said that his daughter was not going to be in it anyway, so he wasn’t going to go anyway.  I hated not being able to see him, but I was really sort of stuck.  I am glad that I didn’t miss my first event.  His ex was even told that I was going to be there, but she had already decided earlier in the day that she wasn’t feeling good and wouldn’t be coming.  I suppose we will wind up meeting each other another time.  Chris telling me that I was right and that he no longer had any doubts about us definitely helped to put things in perspective for me.

Well, I got a reality check earlier and, to be honest, I got a little freaked out.  My SO decided that he needed to open a savings account at the bank I work for since the interest is higher at our bank than most other banks.  In order to open his account, we require two forms of identification.  I got his drivers’ license and then he sent over his concealed handgun license.  I realized when I saw his CHL that since I have gained weight back that I weigh almost as much as he does!  It’s definitely time for a change.  Time to get back into my workout routine…and get things back under control.  I definitely got a little freaked out.  Thanks to Nicole, Nancy and Kama for reeling me back in!  Love you guys!

So Chris and I had date night…but not our usual date night.  We had date night with the kids.  As much as I love the kids, I have gotten used to having time alone with Chris, but that was not going to happen tonight.  It took them so long to get to my office to pick me up that we didn’t have a lot of time to get an actual meal at a typical sit down restaurant.  The kids asked to go to Pei Wei…just on the corner up from my office and gave us a pretty straight shot back to the highway to get to the movie theater.  I got my usual fried rice with all brown rice and chicken (and no, I didn’t even eat HALF of what I got).  As we are sitting there talking…Chris’ daughter said “Daddy, I wish you’d hurry up and marry Tracey.  I want her to be our step-mom.”  I was a little stunned as I was not expecting that at all.  Buddies, I was STUNNED.  As oddly as the timing was, it was actually right after I’d asked her to please try to chew with her mouth closed.  After we finished dinner, we were off to see Bolt in 3D.  It was a cute movie, but those 3D glasses really started getting to me and to Chris too.  When we started walking out he asked me if I had Tylenol or Advil or something in my purse.  Luckily, I had put some Tylenol in my purse a week or so ago.  I’m glad I did, for his sake.  We’ve yet to decide when we are doing Christmas together.  He suggested us getting together on Christmas Eve.  I guess we’ll talk about it tomorrow or perhaps next week before Christmas day.

In the grand scheme of things to hear a 6 year old little girl say to her daddy in front of me that she wants me to be her step-mom.  How could I possibly get a bigger compliment?  Chris’ son has been a big proponent of Chris and I getting married since the beginning, so I know he’d be okay with it.  Perhaps…I guess we’ll see.

Well, Chris just called and said that he was fairly certain that his ex-wife was not going to be in attendance since she hasn’t mentioned it to either set of grandparents.  Her parents have decided not to be in attendance for the kids’ pageant anyway.  He and I talked about it and he said that he hadn’t been that rattled with me in a  long time.  I told him that it had really upset me as well.  He and I rarely fight, so for this to upset me as bad as it did speaks volumes.  I know that he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me for anything in the world.  I guess we’re a rare couple because we don’t fight.

Today was different.  It’s rare for us to experience such cold weather.  This morning it was 24 with a windchill of 15.  I know that may not be cold for some people, but considering we were in the 70’s (I think) on Sunday…it just seems wrong to be this cold!  last night it started sleeting and we almost didn’t make it home.  As I’m still car-less and we only have 2 cars for 3 people and with me working such a distance from home (it’s between 30 and 45 minutes away), we decided it wouldn’t be a good option to try to get out and try it.  If anything happens to the 2 remaining vehicles (which only have liability insurance), that would leave us with one.   That’s not a good thing for us.

Unfortunately, I didn’t make it to Zumba tonight…with the weather and all, it just didn’t happen.  Given that I didn’t make it there tonight and I can’t go to the kids’ pageant AND Zumba at the same time…I’m a little torn.  I suspect it’ll be the kids’ pageant though.  I’ll just have to try to do one of my Zumba DVDs or something.  I just hate that the one I REALLY love is so scratched up that I can’t even use it.  Although, if I take the instructor’s class, I’ll get a set of those with my tuition for the class.  The one thing I want is the FULL set of Zumba DVDs, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen.  Picking is going to be slim this Christmas, but it’ll be good.  I know how blessed I am and have been this year.

Good night all!

I do appreciate everyone’s comments.  I know this is a hard situation.  I have faith that Chris and I can get through this, but I do know it’s going to take time and work in order to manage to get through it.  I greatly appreciate everyone listening to me/reading my blog.  I pretty much suck at relationships and I think that’s part of this.  I love this man more than I remember loving anyone in my life.  He’s my best friend, my lover, my confidant and I simply can’t imagine life without him.  In all of our time together, we’ve not fought…this is probably the closest that we’ve actually come to fighting.  I know this is a good relationship and it’s too good NOT to try to work through this.  It’s just sort of like weight loss…it takes time and work.  One step at a time…

Everything in me (the old me) would be eating right now to cover up everything as opposed to crying.  Right now, I’m crying and writing this blog.  I have met this wonderful man that although he wouldn’t hurt me intentionally for the world seems to keep doing it when it comes to the kids.  I love his kids just as I love my own.  Although I mentioned to him a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to go to their Christmas pageant.  He informs me at the party that I went to with him for his Sunday School group that I wasn’t going to be able to go because of the fact that he had invited his ex/the kids’ mother to go and he was sorry.  He didn’t realize that it hurt me so bad.  I just told him that she was going to have to meet me at some point if we were going to be together for any length of time.  He assured me that he would fix it.  I just got off the phone with him being told that he doesn’t think it’s a good time for me to meet her.  Her parents are afraid that she’s going to get irrational at the kids’ pageant.  I do understand it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.  I don’t want the kids asking me why I didn’t come to their events or why I didn’t want to come to their events.  He promised me that I wouldn’t have to resolve myself to not ever being able to go to their events.  He asked if I could trust him to make this right.  I do trust him, more than I’ve trusted anyone in my life.  I don’t feel like I’m wrong for feeling this way about this…maybe I am.  I don’t deny any parent the right to be apart of their child’s life.  There has to be a way to work this out so that I don’t have to fear being asked the question as to why I didn’t show up.  How do I deal with this??  It’s not that she doesn’t know we are dating.  I’ve even met her family!  In order to move forward, I have to figure out how to get past this…are relationships supposed to be this hard?!?

This hasn’t been my best week foodwise or otherwise, but WW meetings were introducing the new Momentum program this week.  I wasn’t able to go to my regular meeting on Wednesday because of a seminar…so I went on Friday.  Given that Thursday was my office Christmas party (which was so much fun, but I’ll get into that in a minute), that probably wasn’t the best time to weigh in after having so much food!!  But I REALLY wanted to be at the meeting and hear them talk about the new program…so I bucked it up and “took one for the team” as they say and took my “beating” at the scale.  You know what?  I could have just passed on the meeting completely this week, but I knew that wasn’t an option for me.  My food choice last night wasn’t the best, but at least I shared!

Thursday’s food was FABULOUS!  I am certain that I overdid it…but we don’t get to do that everyday!  We had such wonderful choices (and none of them were really WW friendly).  I opted for grilled sourdough with roast beef slices, a tomato and horseradish sauce for the appetizer, house salad (mixed greens with golden raisins, pine nuts and balsamic vinagrette), then the 20 oz. bone in Ribeye which was served with steamed broccoli and carrots and for dessert…the Creme Brule.  I shared a little bit of everything, but the only “plate” I cleaned was the Creme Brule, but remember, I had help.  In the old days, I’d have made myself miserable trying to eat all of EVERYTHING!  I am so thankful that I’m not that person anymore.  I can’t even come close to eating all the stuff I used to be able to.  I was able to enjoy a little bit of everything, but didn’t even come close to cleaning the plate.

Last night, although I wasn’t sure we were going to have a date night, Chris and I went to a theatre.  Okay, really, I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did.  I didn’t stick with the original plan (Anj, Nancy, and Lori all know what I mean).  I did, however, partially stuck to the plan.  I had a dinner salad (our waiter initially forgot our forks) and I decided that God made fingers before he made forks and started eating my salad like it was finger food!  I was determined that I was going to enjoy my salad.  Because I finished most of my salad before we got the nachos so I didn’t eat nearly as many as I could have.  The positive thing about WW was that I knew I could have them…I just have to account for them.

I am taking today to read through my new WW materials and familiarize myself with the specifics of the new Momentum plan.  I also received a challenge this week so I have to get in 4 days of workouts.  Since my WW week starts over on Wednesday, I have 4 days to get workouts in.  I am sure that I need this push to get myself back in my “normal” routine.  This being carless and all is throwing me out of sorts.  I’m still carless, but at least I’m at home where I have time to get on my elliptical and get a workout in there.  I also have all my DVDs that I can use as well.  I’ve just got to get up and do it!  It’s definitely time to start losing again…especially after I saw that number on the scale on Friday!

let me begin by saying that I’m so totally and completely thankful for my buddies on BS.  I had a seminar today so it was different.  I had gotten a rental last night to help with the whole car situation.  Unfortunately, I had to keep the car tonight again.  Something I didn’t really have the money for, but didn’t really have much of a choice.  Mom had offered to let me drive her Caddy, but her driver’s side window is stuck down! :-S  They called and said the switch wouldn’t be here until tomorrow.  I’m still trying to figure out how to get from work to the Christmas party (our office’s is tomorrow) and then from the party to home.  I’ll get it worked out.  Today was a better day mood-wise…not necessarily foodwise.  I’m working on it.  I probably should have gone to the grocery store tonight, but I really don’t have the money to do that until I get paid on Monday.  I do feel like so much is falling into place for me…but if I don’t take care of myself and truly work to get to the healthier version of me…that I’m just throwing it all away!  I was SO close to my mini-goal just a matter of months ago.  I know I can be again, but it’s not going to come easily.  It will take work and effort…sweat and tears…persistence and patience…I CAN do this.  I just have to figure out how bad I really want this!  They are rolling out the new changes to the WW program this week.  I think this seems like the perfect week to start over.  Yep…I’m thinking the timing is perfect…

Okay, I’ll be honest, I’ve not been eating quite the way I need to this week.  Simply said, with the stress I’ve been under for the last week or so, it’s just been crazy.  Added to the fact that I didn’t have a vehicle…it makes it even harder to have what I need on hand.  I could have skipped Zumba tonight, but whether they actually realize it or not…they were with me…all in my head telling me that they know how much I enjoy Zumba and even though I am so stressed that I should go “Zumba” it out instead of giving in to coming home and hibernating.  I rented a car tonight so I had a way to get to the seminar in Richardson tomorrow.  That, in and of itself was stressful.  And can someone please explain to me why there’s such a price difference between the price you see online and the price they give you at the counter??  Seriously?  I’m going to complain about that tomorrow when I return it.  However, I am totally thankful to my BS friends for getting in my head and letting me know that I needed to get off my butt and go Zumba out some stress!